You Can't

You're right, you can't.
You can't make it through this.
You can't possibly keep going.
You're not strong enough...
                                        ...and you never have been...


Life is too big.
It's too long...
                    ...too hard....
                                              .....alone...


But you're not alone.
Oh, how often you forget!
How often you look only to yourself and expect that to be enough.
How often you ignore His ever-present help.
How often you come to Him exhausted, instead of seeking His help in the first place.

He will gladly guide you if you ask.
Don't you know that He loves to be asked?


Friend, He is faithful.
He will never abondon you.
He is stronger than anything that may arise against you.
He has already won the victory.

You will not give up.
You are not alone.




What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.


Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.


Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.


Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

She Will Be Missed....

Today, the little blonde streak in front packed up shop and moved away to the land

where all happy little streaks, splotches, and such go when Natural color comes home....

She saw me through two years of college

She was good to me...

Her memory will live on...

(and who knows?  I may ask her back tomorrow....

She always WAS a favorite of mine...)

The Truth

        I've always been envious of the blogging community....Blogging is just so COOL!  Well, I'm planning to move away, to the ends of the earth, so I figured that a blog would be the best way to update people....People read blogs.  Facebook notes, now......not so much....
        Blogging is kinda scary though....what if something I say comes out wrong?  And also you have to be real in a blog.  If you're not gonna be honest, why put it out there to the world?  All of the people who really know you will end up posting 'that's not true,' anyway.   Well, I'll talk...and be as real as I know how...and pray that God will determine how my words hit people.  
       
         So I started a blog.  And I have to be honest.  Ok.  *deep breath*  Here goes....




I don't want to be a missionary.


 
        Whew!  Ok, I know, I know....I shouldn't say that.  But the thing is, well, the idea terrifies me.  Life is hard enough in the US.  And here, at least I know I will be warm, clothed, fed, and in contact with my family and friends. 
        But I'm going...and not kicking and screaming, either.  I don't want to 'be a missionary.'  They have to go through terrible, horrifying experiences, and deal with all kinds of uncertainty and rejection.  So, I'm tricking myself.  Instead of 'going to be a missionary,' I'm looking at it as 'taking this life I have to live, overseas!'  Yeah!  :)
       But seriously.  Why should I stay here and be comfortable, unless God divinely intervenes in my life?  I'd much rather walk forward in faith under the Great Commission, unless God divinely intervenes and tells me to STAY. 
       And the reason I CAN go, despite my fears?  Well, it's because I believe that the God who has been faithful to me thus far will continue to be.  This thing I'm embarking on...well, it would fail, I would fail unless God shows up.  I'm excited to watch Him come through in unanticipated ways.


So I just want to say this about that:
'Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.'  -2 Corinthians 12:9


'In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.' -1 Peter 5:10


It'll be worth it, I know... 

:)

I would just like to say that God is SO good....


As of five minutes ago, I am debt-free.


Daddy and I are going to Bonefish to celebrate.

My Last Song

People talk about 'living each day as though it was your last." 


Well, I'm a musician, so I've altered it a little bit.  I'm going to choose to 'sing as though each song could be my last.'  And by that, I mean the whole bit about 'living each day.'


See, life used to be this huge, overwhelming, stressful thing to me.  I saw my remaining (likely) 60 years as a vast expanse of difficulty and pain, creeping closer and becoming thicker until it finally finished me off.  Death would be a relief, my escape from the tragedy we call earth.  Then I could be rid of this cursed world and finally be free from hurt.  Then I could sit at the Lord's feet forever and be fulfilled.


But this summer, I saw a glimpse into life, into a world bigger than myself.  I saw just a piece of the glorious plan God has to draw the world to Himself.  I realized the opportunity I have to be a part of this plan, to add new languages and styles of worship music to the Lord's playlist. (Stell)


Well....life is still big and overwhelming.  But now, even on really down days, I see life as but a breath.  What is 60ish years compared to eternity?  What difficulty and pain would I not gladly bear if it brought more glory to the Father?  My time is simply too short.


Before, my perspective had been that of Mary Clancy ('Trouble With Angels'), when she visited a nursing home, "I hope I die young, and very wealthy."  I longed so desperately to throw off this physical pain of earth, and dance into Heaven.  Then I realized, no, when it comes down to it, I would rather be completely spent for my Father on earth.  I would rather be carried into the rooms He has gone ahead to prepare for me, than walk in, by my own strength which I was too selfish to use for Him on earth.


Because of this, I've decided to keep on singing....singing as though there was no tomorrow.  And you'd be surprised what you can sing through if you count today as your last.  If I knew I could be singing in glory by morning, well then I want my last song on earth to be one of praise to my Lord all through the long, dark, night....

Autobiography

Purity
         Joy
               Innocence

Growth
         Knowledge
                        Discovery

Confusion
              Pain
                    Despair....
Doctors

Friendship
               Loyalty
                        Memories

Music
        Passion
                  Beauty...

Truth

Christ
        Peace
                Purpose

Age
      Burden
                Family

Love
       Desire
                Abandon

Patience
           Longing....
                               Heaven